Tuesday, March 22, 2011

there's a black hole in my heart

i feel like a black Hole my minds in a dark depressing place, I'm not doing as good in school as I want or need ( the need is for me ) I'm just starting to deal emotional with my fathers death and even then I still use the evoide and pretend it docent exsit technique . There's no way I could or should even honestly think about boys or dateing in the state I'm in

Most days If I have time at home alone I'll lye in bed and eat and watch shows and escape this place, basically mope

now i've gained wait and that makes me more depressed and I don't need to be super model skinny and its not for any one its for me it makes me feel better

some days I think I should give up and just move back to the island and just give up on this life some days I want it and others I want to throw my self in front of a bus, I know its the depressed me talking

its just I need to be good at something and I need to be better then people at things I know thats petty and stupid and all that but I need it or I'm no one

I can't take losing one more person weather it be a boy friend a friend or anything I can't lose anything else right now

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